How many times have you felt really frustrated by something that did not turn out the way you wanted it to, that did not work as you planned…? Or disappointed in someone? Because no matter how much you try they will not understand, they will not see it as you see it… These feelings can put us in a circle that sometimes it will take a long time to get out of it… This is what happens when we believe in our feelings. When we don't have clarity.
Emotions will always obscure, will always interfere with us looking at things objectively, will always confuse us and this is where clarity comes into the picture. The process of clarity helps us to look at reality just as it is, to put emotions aside and look at things objectively. It is very hard to make clarity when we believe in our feelings, but when we learn to stop, and ask questions that direct us on how to create clarity for ourselves, things and life become much simpler.
First step in order to create clarity - to make a separation between emotions and facts.
How do you do that? Ask yourself - what does the physical universe mean? It shows us what the facts are, what is happening in actual reality. The ambiguity that emotions create is very large, and the very separation and looking at facts separately and emotions separately, shows us the simplicity that exists in reality, under the mask of emotions.
For example, a guy and a girl in a good relationship. There is a good connection between them, and excellent communication. One day they argued over something nonsensical but it created a very unpleasant feeling for lots of hours. It's not something they are used to. And after all this tough day, he told her he wanted to have a conversation with her. At that moment the girl already felt that this is them being separated… he wants to break up with her, he does not love her enough, he gives up on them, she is not good enough for him, she was never enough for him… all these feelings flooded her, made her even more sad and frustrated than what was already because of the nonsensical quarrel… she literally lost hope. She comes to the conversation laden with negative emotions.
And within this whole story - what does the physical universe mean? That he wants to talk. And that's it. Only he wants to talk.
This is the only fact in this whole story… Maybe the purpose of the conversation is not in the direction of breaking up at all? She does not know anything yet, maybe he wants to tell her how important she is to him, which is why it is important for him to talk about things? To improve their relationship and strengthen it? But her feelings and the stories she told herself took her down a long time ago ...
Second step to create clarity - ask yourself 2 questions.
What are my feelings in relation to the facts? Or what are my thoughts in relation to the facts? At this point we begin to understand that all our emotions are our stories, thoughts, interpretations, personalities. There is no right or wrong in them, it is our emotions… that amplify the facts and interfere with seeing things in the physical universe just as they are.
At this point she can already objectively see the situation, he wants to talk to her. Here's a fact. All her thoughts in relation to this, all her feelings, reflect her fears and not reality.
The opportunity to do a clarification process with herself before having the conversation, gave her an opening to reality, an opening to see things as they really are…
When she put aside her feelings she realized he wanted to talk to her, and that's it…
From here she can come to a more confident conversation, more open to hearing, listening and understanding her partner. And give a real chance for a good conversation. Without clarity in the first place there is no chance that this conversation will go to a good place.
You can use the clarity tool for almost anything and every situation in your life. Start asking yourself questions, it's a practice of the mind, and it's so rewarding that our lives are affected moment by moment by the state we are in, it's the decisions we make and it's our vision of reality.
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